(MODERN ARTHUR)
by Tom Bayne
I'm taking a break.
Sincerely,
modernarthur.com/blog
Jenni and some other members of the Orchestra are playing a couple songs with DeVotchKa at Bowery Ballroom on the 24th. It's gonna be great.
TICKETS
Tom, June 12, 2006, 11:26 AM
Heard DC designed by devil worship STOP
Going to investigate STOP
Back Monday in time for BBQ STOP
Tom, May 26, 2006, 1:16 AM STOP
Pointless as it may be, the plan is to watch all six Star Wars movies over the course of the next couple weeks. The movies shall be watched the way George Lucas intends them to be--that is, in their most current forms--and then never again as such. After this series of viewings, only the original trilogy, the OT, the one I rented once a month from the video store back in the halcyon decade, 10 BSE, 10 years before the Special Editions, will ever be watched, and very seldom at that. That is the plan. I may clutter up a webpage with my thoughts on these movies, I probably won't. I'll let you know.
UPDATE (5/24): Two down. And they did not go down easy.
Tom, May 21, 2006, 3:46 PM (link here)
Cleaning my room, I found an mp3 I've dubbed End of the Enemy Interview. Does anyone have any idea what it's on about? I'm at a loss here, beyond the fact that I burned it to a CD on March 14, 2003 at 8:47 AM.
To the first person who figures this out, a coverless copy of Extraordinary Popular Delusions & The Madness Of Crowds.
Tom, May 17, 2006, 3:43 AM (link here)
In regards to Letters for All Occasions
Letters for All Occasions is my proxy for A Lifetime Encyclopedia of Letters, an actual book by an actual lover of letters, Mr. Harold E. Meyer. An industrial accountant with a lifelong passions for words and the shades of meaning they convey he is. I keep his book close to me, as I believe it to be one of the finest examples of the choking insincerity on which our culture stands. I'm sure Mr. Meyer is a nice guy though. For those moms out there whose kids bought them too valuable a gift for Mother's Day, he recommends the following:
- Dear Scott,
Once again you show that your taste in gifts is impeccable. Thank you so much for the lovely, and valuable, antique silver vase.
I regret that I must return it; a sincere regret because of its great beauty.
It is unfortunate but my frequent business trips make my home vulnerable, and several area homes have recently suffered burglaries. Although insurance would provide financial reimbursement, the irreplaceable nature of the vase would leave me forever guilty. Please allow me to return it.
Sincerely,
Mom
I recently noticed that A Lifetime Encyclopedia of Letters is in its third printing--and with a new cover! (This is what mine looks like.) The one copy they had left at the bookstore was sealed, else I would have checked if my favorite letter was also updated. If someone owes you money, you're to write them:
- Dear Mr. Wilson,
"Hey, look at this, Bud!"
"Bad news, Joe?"
"Yeah, this guy wants my autograph."
"But, gosh, that's a compliment. Aren't you proud?"
"But this guy wants it on a check."
We, too, would like your autograph on a check--$45.60 for the toaster you bought on February 7th.
Sincerely,
Harvey
I love this book. Its power doesn't really come across in a few snippets, I'm sorry. I should just carry it around with me.
UPDATE: God damn it.
So the title should probably be changed.
Eventually, I guess.
Tom, May 14, 2006, 8:30 PM (link here)
One day I won't write a story that begins with someone being dead. In the meantime ...
Tom, May 13, 2006, 2:33 PM (read here)
Rick pointed out: "You know what you can't get at the iTunes Music Store? Magic Dance by David Bowie from the Labyrinth soundtrack."
Tom, May 2, 2006, 9:12 AM
CONGRATULATIONS to Aaron, whose crowd-pleasing Petunia* (.mov 10 MB) just won another award, this time the NYC Downtown Short Film Festival Award for Best Animation. Music by Jenni, of course.
Tom, May 1, 2006, 4:09 PM (link here)
Phil woke up with a printing press. He intends to use it. Anyone interested?
Abattoir Publishing, a brand spanking new (read: most likely doomed) small genre publishing company, is looking for its first slate of books.
We're looking for horror. But we're committing ourselves to a kitchen sink definition of it; we like our horrors pulpy, we like them post-moderny, we like them hybridized, mulched, chopped, mutated or baked into brownies so you barely notice them.
We're looking for novels. You can contact us about short stories and we'll probably read them. But what we really want are novel- or novella-length stories.
We have a website, barely. So go there only to laugh at how minimal it is.
http://www.abattoirpublishing.com
Please contact [email protected] for submission guidelines and further information.
Tom, April 26, 2006, 1:19 AM (abattoir)
In autumn 2002, Phil organized a series of Paul Verhoeven film screenings in our apartment. As the series reached its end, it was pretty clear that Verhoeven's career was/is a descending one. But, oh, Phil argued, those later films aren't without their merits.
and it makes perfect sense to me that the horse she rides out on should be the same on which she rode in.
Dug up from Phil's archives and sent to me moments ago, modernarthur.com/blog presents to you Phil's Defense of Late Verhoeven. Enjoy.
Previously: Paul Verhoeven's Cameo
Tom, April 25, 2006, 11:29 PM (read here)
What an absolutely gratifying, satisfying show last night's Clean & Nasty and Friends' was. I haven't smiled like that in weeks. Turns out Charles Redclaw Lavoie plays the harmonica way better than anyone else you know. He claims it's easy, that it's a scam instrument with no wrong notes, but I say I've heard bad harmonica playing and that Charles is just being modest as usual.
And Susan's voice. Susan's golden voice repeating "there's no meaning, there's no meaning"? It's enough to make you actually believe in something. I've never committed anything to any kind of a wishlist, but to hear Susan sing will probably be one of the things I ask for if ever find myself on a deathbed, or recovering from surgery, or awaiting execution. Situations like that. Dire ones.
And did I mention?--I didn't--the showstopper they've got in their latest song, The Cult of Jenni?
Yes, that Jenni. It's as good and stubbornly optimistic as its subject matter.
The next chance you have to see Clean & Nasty is on May 14th in Brooklyn at the Crossroads Cafe (1241A Prospect Ave. at Reeve Place). It'll only cost you $5 and maybe some subway rides--a steal!--you should totally go. What else are you going to do with your Sunday night, watch ten episodes of LOST in a row?
Christine took some photos of last night's show. They can be looked at here.
Tom, April 21, 2006, 10:24 AM (link here)
In typical governmental fashion, foreboding technology has been coupled with lame web design, the result of which allows Rick and I to stand on a corner in Manhattan while Charles photographs us blurrily from Brooklyn.
Tom, April 17, 2006, 5:25 PM
Late last week Big Blue went down. Emergency surgery the day of the apparent hard drive attack failed. But!--At least the razzling, dazzling CEO was on hand to document the effort:
Big Blue's dusty innards.
Days of GTA gameplay, months of mp3s at stake, the able hands of Charles and Phil try their ablest.
No luck. Big Blue looks like she's fixed, but she's not, she's just less dusty.
It was... she was so dusty.
. . .
And now the new week has begun and in our living room slumps the once-mighty Big Blue, in the middle of the floor, something to stub our toes on as we figure out what to do next. Our prayers falling on deaf ears, looks like Phil's reaching for his wallet...
Tom, April 17, 2006, 12:56 PM (link here)
AGAIN, NEWS, FIRE
No joke, now my office building is on fire! Rick just called (I'm taking the day off) and he tells of how the 9th floor is aflame (we work on 26) and how a dozen or so firemen are now filing inside. The building's been evacuated. Early reports say it was a moron's carelessly tossed cigarette that started the fire. I'm pretty sure the building is no smoking and I'm pretty sure the owner of the building could pass for Emperor Palpatine's brother, so I wouldn't want to be said sooty-lunged moron, that's for sure. I hope the fire stays on 9.
UPDATE: The fire is under control. Rick is on his way upstairs. Venture Bros. Season 2 is spared. Collective siiiigh of relief.
UPDATE: I've just been told: a couple weeks ago the SVA film department had a fire as well. So alright, who is it?
Tom, April 10, 2006, 6:20 PM (link here)
The doppelgangers of my sister and Phil and then some guy in the middle have a band called Heartless Bastards. At the time of this writing, mp3s can be found here and here, for the songs New Resolution and Onions, respectivelyb (but Gray is the one you should go buy off iTunes).
My sister and cousin were in town this weekend and we went to one of the Heartless Bastards' shows. It was Erin's treat, so thank you to her. The show was good. I had fun this weekend until I threw up into my doggy bag on Irving Place this morning. I'm still goddamn sick, goddamnit.
So, goodnight. As soon as I finish this umpteenth carton of orange juice, I'm declaring this weekend over. Sick, tired, and the thought of two of my loved ones currently onboard airplanes frightens me so.
UPDATE:
Okay.
Tom, April 9, 2006, 6:23 PM
"Cat’s a-barking in the street. Cat’s a dog, go to sleep."
-- Archer Walsh, fictitious old beatnik
Tom, April 1, 2006, 11:57 PM (link here)
I have Mono. The kind that that lays all sorts of alien seed in the sinews of your neck.
Here is one website's interpretation of the virus:
Here is this website's interpretation:
Anyway that's what it is. Right right. Night night.
Tom, March 30, 2006, 8:06 PM
NEWS
March 26, 2006
NEW YORK, NY -- In what's being described as a "bizarre twist of," I believe "fate" was the word, PHIL'S FUCKING OFFICE BURNED TO THE GROUND! Investigators are still looking into the cause of the fire, but I can vouch that this wasn't Phil's doing, as he was in Providence all weekend (setting different kinds of firessss). Besides, Phil loves his job.
Reports from the ground tell us that sharing the floor with Safehouse Pictures, the relatively new, now studioless production studio Phil works/worked at, was Under the Influence Productions, which is/was Ethan Hawke's company. Mr. Hawke had recently returned from Mexico, having shot there a bunch of footage for his latest project. Footage he was apparently quite excited about. I wonder how much, if any, was stored elsewhere.
Definitely lost in the blaze though was the absolute largest CD collection I ever saw with mine own eyes, belonging to a former music supervisor who now works as Mr. Hawke's editor, I think.
Such a shame.
UPDATE: I was just reminded that this is the second of my friends' workplaces to go up in smoke in the past year. Remember when Julianna and her fellow Aardman artists lost their models back in October? Damn.
This is why this world sucks. Places like Aardman and Safehouse burn down while places like [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted] remain standing.
Tom, March 26, 2006, 6:40 PM (link here)
I sent these to Jenni almost two-ish years ago. Almost two-ish years later I find myself pressed for modernarthur content. Thus, this. They're "from The Ballad of Sleepy Jack and Bargain Jenny by Sleepy Jack Eddie."
- Bloomed in the showroom of the discount store,
Their's was Love in its simplest form.
Bargain Jenny, the dotty sales girl.
Sleepy Jack, homeless troubadour.
...
Nowhere to sleep plus hungry and poor,
Jack would sneak into the showroom of the discount store,
Where the beds smelled better than at the shelter,
And bathroom not synonymous with floor.
...
While the fancier store wouldn't let Jack thru their door,
Bargain Jenny cared enough to ignore.
Cared enough to ignore,
Cared enough to ignore.
Bargain Jenny cared enough to ignore.
...
And sleep did Jack ever! on that half-priced bed
(When not feasting on Pop Rocks and Cherokee Red),
But crossword puzzles to smarten his head
Were turned down and shoelaces requested instead.
"What's the point of new laces for shoes with no treads?"
Wondered Bargain Jenny, with a crooked smile
of perfect teeth.
Tom, March 26, 2006, 2:28 PM (link here)
I just noticed a painting left in the trash room. I used to have a thing for thrown-away paintings, I used to collect them, as space and priorites permitted.1 Some I would hang up, some would never make it out from behind my bookcase. Most were the only thing I left on the walls when it came time to pack up and move to another apartment, but by then I had usually had my fill.
I left this latest thrown-away painting where it lie though. It would have had to have been truly exceptional for me to justify picking it from the trash at my age, and it wasn't. Our tolerance for irony lowers, I'm finding out, and this thrown-away painting was nothing I hadn't picked from the trash before.
It was of the Abstract Expressionist genre.2 Rendered in a palette heavily favoring red and muted purples. Mauves, I guess. And though every time I say something like this it gets me yelled at,3 I digress and assume that Untitled (The Thrown-Away Painting Currently In The Trash Room) was painted by a female. In fact, I've assumed that of many of the thrown-away paintings I've found. A lot of them have shared in their compositions, their abstractions, a certain womanliness--not necessarily feministness, not necessarily bows and kittensness, but certainly not manliness, or even gay manliness.4 I digress further and assume that the thrown-away painting currently in the trash room, what with the red and mauves, is a comment on menstruation. A bold comment in fact, given its large size.5
Or maybe those are the only colors she had to work with.6
Either way, in a matter of hours, the murdered creation of one of my articidal neighbors will be taken away with the trash and I will have done nothing to stop it. Not sure how I feel about that.
1Though, of course, I can never know for sure, I'm assuming most of the paintings I have found in the trash have been thrown-away by their respective artists, and here's why: A lot seem to be unfinished, past the point where scraping clean the canvas and starting over is an option, but rarely being branded with their artist's signature. Some have still been wet. Also, I do not go looking for this particular type of garbage. The paintings I have found were not buried in the trash, but rather almost on display. There for the taking. I've attributed this to the suffering that pervades amateur Expressionistic painting. Many of the artists, I'm sure, toss their paintings in the trash with as much attention to angst as they began them, perhaps even picking them out and tossing them in again, so that they land just right. And then slowly walking away from the scene. I've always assumed if someone were to throw away a painting they received as a gift, the guilt would weigh heavily on them as they did so, and the painting would be sufficiently buried.
2Most thrown-away paintings I've found have been Abstract Expressionist ones. I only ever found three that were not: A paint-by-number found on the Upper East Side. A botched self-portrait that was perhaps on its way to becoming abstracted when the artist, a student at the University of Cincinnati, just said, "Fuck it." The word JESUS in neon pink fingerpaint, thrown-away out front a Catholic elementary school.
3Which is way unfair.
4To try and compare them to an artist I know would be difficult as I have neither met nor learned of anyone in my art history classes that they could be compared to. There might be some Outsiders out there that bear resemblance, but I'm not familiar enough with Outsider Art to know who or whom that might be.
5An estimated 30" x 40" rolled canvas.
6On his death bed, Picasso confessed that his infamous Blue Period was brought on by a drop in the price of blue pigment.7
7That's a lie. Picasso is not the animation industry.
Tom, March 25, 2006, 10:42 PM (link here)
